My God...what have I done???

One of the problems with being a neruo crasher is that ideas that seems really exciting at the time of conception rarely survive in the harsh light of day. Sometimes this is because they really weren't good ideas to begin with, but more often it is because the idea-haver (in this case me) talks herself out of things a little too easily. Sadly, this means that many good impulses and ideas don't get followed up and the haver is left with little to show and, even worse, withdrawing from all that intoxicating initial excitement and anticipation.

Take this blog, for example. Yesterday, the thought of processing my issues around motivation, personal growth, and emotional paralysis seemed like a grand idea. Today, not only has no book deal materialized overnight, but the thought of my parents realizing that I might lack motivation or be stunted in the personal growth department is bringing on symptoms of emotional paralysis. And I am not even kidding. What have I done!? How do I delete a blog? Is that even possible? Why don't I know anything about modern technology or the Internet? Aaaagh! Paralysis!!!

I am tempted to make a list of all the things I have gotten excited about but failed to actually follow through on, but I think if I do that rigor mortis might set in. So, instead I am going to think of things that motivate me.

Things That Make Me Get Shit Done
1. The knowledge that if I don't do it, someone will be disappointed in me
2. The knowledge that if I do, I will be encouraged to drink alcohol when I'm finished
3. The knowledge that if I can tell others I did it, I will feel cool
4. The sense of relief that comes from no longer feeling bad about not having done it

Oookay, so that's an honest list, but not a very honorable one. Conspicuously absent: THE SATISFACTION OF A JOB WELL DONE. Oh well. Why include it on the GSD List if it doesn't work? So my parents won't think they raised a pathetic loser motivated more by alcohol and shame than by personal achievement? That's a different list. That might be a whole different blog, actually.

For now I am satisfied with the honest, if somewhat disgraceful, set of motivations stated here. So, the next time one of my ideas starts to get moldy, I am going to find the nearest authority figure and tell that person my idea in the hopes that he or she will hold me accountable for following through on it, after which I can go drinking where I can brag to everyone about what an awesome thing I did, and finally wake up feeling hungover but free of that nagging "dream-deferred" feeling. This is totally gonna work.