One of the problems with being a neruo crasher is that ideas that seems really exciting at the time of conception rarely survive in the harsh light of day. Sometimes this is because they really weren't good ideas to begin with, but more often it is because the idea-haver (in this case me) talks herself out of things a little too easily. Sadly, this means that many good impulses and ideas don't get followed up and the haver is left with little to show and, even worse, withdrawing from all that intoxicating initial excitement and anticipation.
Take this blog, for example. Yesterday, the thought of processing my issues around motivation, personal growth, and emotional paralysis seemed like a grand idea. Today, not only has no book deal materialized overnight, but the thought of my parents realizing that I might lack motivation or be stunted in the personal growth department is bringing on symptoms of emotional paralysis. And I am not even kidding. What have I done!? How do I delete a blog? Is that even possible? Why don't I know anything about modern technology or the Internet? Aaaagh! Paralysis!!!
I am tempted to make a list of all the things I have gotten excited about but failed to actually follow through on, but I think if I do that rigor mortis might set in. So, instead I am going to think of things that motivate me.
Things That Make Me Get Shit Done
1. The knowledge that if I don't do it, someone will be disappointed in me
2. The knowledge that if I do, I will be encouraged to drink alcohol when I'm finished
3. The knowledge that if I can tell others I did it, I will feel cool
4. The sense of relief that comes from no longer feeling bad about not having done it
Oookay, so that's an honest list, but not a very honorable one. Conspicuously absent: THE SATISFACTION OF A JOB WELL DONE. Oh well. Why include it on the GSD List if it doesn't work? So my parents won't think they raised a pathetic loser motivated more by alcohol and shame than by personal achievement? That's a different list. That might be a whole different blog, actually.
For now I am satisfied with the honest, if somewhat disgraceful, set of motivations stated here. So, the next time one of my ideas starts to get moldy, I am going to find the nearest authority figure and tell that person my idea in the hopes that he or she will hold me accountable for following through on it, after which I can go drinking where I can brag to everyone about what an awesome thing I did, and finally wake up feeling hungover but free of that nagging "dream-deferred" feeling. This is totally gonna work.
I like your lists. Keep em coming.
ReplyDeleteAdrienne, I am there with you 100% sister! I blame my tendency to come up with a million great ideas and never being able to follow through on the fact that I'm an Aquarius. We Aquarians are idea people. At least that's how I dodge the feeling that people are disappointed in my lack of follow-through!
ReplyDeletexoxo Penny
Ohemgee! We blogged about the same thing on the same day, kind of, except yours was way better. We both even used GOD in our respective titles. Are you the cooler me that I've been looking for all my life? Can't wait to read your biznuss!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, friend. My personal dilemma is that I tend to live so deeply in each moment...that I often forget that I could/should be thinking about what comes next. It's not necessarily procrastination...because I'm not really putting anything off because it hasn't gotten here and I therefore haven't given it the attention it perhaps deserves. Know what I mean? Motivation can be tricky for those of us who live in the moment. We let inspiration strike when it will...and love it when it does, but rarely lament when it doesn't. Because, hey, that's what this moment is! Holy hell! I could spend days justifying my lack of motivation and persistence of procrastination! Love the blog!
ReplyDeleteThis is rad.
ReplyDelete... wait, did I just accidentally become a blogger by posting this?
ReplyDelete